sleeping baby

To Baby or Not To Baby: My Decision

The past few weeks have been full of this question of whether or not to have a baby at 44. Here are my pros and cons of doing the child-rearing experience in no particular order.

Pros

  • The child would be someone to pass on my magical and mundane knowledge to
  • I get a wonderful thrill in my collarbones when I am near a child who loves me back
  • I would get to form another lifelong attachment, a rare and beautiful thing
  • Our state has a child health insurance program
  • One of the best high-risk pregnancy hospitals in our state is 20 minutes away
  • There is a 20 in 21 chance of  having a healthy baby at my age
  • Pregnancy/birth eases my period for about 2 years, which in turn lowers my seizure frequency & intensity
  • We could go camping & adventuring as a family…eventually
  • My husband can be a stay-at-home dad
  • We could homeschool

Cons

  • There is a 1 in 21 chance of an unhealthy baby at my age
  • Because of the high probability of miscarriage(s), it would be difficult or impossible to target the birth for minimal impact on my work schedule/income
  • We would not qualify for food stamps or the clinic
  • We only have one car
  • We would need to spend our adventuring money on taking care of the child
  • We would still be raising a young adult at retirement age
  • We could not give the child any but free experiences (parks, museums)
  • We could not pay toward the child’s education
  • The child would not have family close in age
  • My husband and his nephew are both autistic
  • We both have inherited anxiety & depression disorders
  • The baby’s brain architecture might be permanently changed because of the antidepressant I am on
  • My seizures are triggered by exhaustion and stress, so they would likely increase in frequency, duration & intensity

 

The pros are mostly emotional and affect me, while the cons are mostly medical, logistical & financial and affect the child. So in the end, we decided we like the spontaneous adventurousness of our no-kid life. Those kinds of activities would be impossible if we were responsible for raiding a little human.

I would love to hear what you think of my pros & cons. Do you have a similar choice that was hard to make? Please share your thoughts and stories in the comments!

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